I made a girl cry in chemistry yesterday. Actually, the world made her cry, I just happened to be the final straw. But in that emotional state, I stumbled on three words that all teachers should be using with their students. Here was the setup for the crying scene.
We were doing a lab in my lower chemistry class. It’s a lab that I really like. Labels have fallen off three different ionic compounds and they have to put the labels back on the right beaker by designing their own experiments. I give them a few basic aqueous chemicals, some glassware, and a few red herring items. Then I shut up. I stand back and watch them figure it out. They are just about to have a test on chemical reactions, so they are equipped to predict the outcome of reactions. Unless they are struggling mightily in the unit. Which the girl is. She a hard worker, but not a natural chemistry mind. She asks lots of good questions in class. But her table partner is not much help. He is lower than she is. And he doesn’t care as much either. They tend to be lab partners and it’s actually worked out OK. But not yesterday. As the class went on, I noticed that she was asking me all the questions. Not him. And by the end of the class, she was being ignored by her partner. I didn’t catch it in time to correct it. Which was my fault.
After class, she came up to me and asked if we could talk. She started the conversation. But I finished it. She explained her frustration and struggle. Part way through our conversation I said something that pushed her off her emotional edge. And I discovered three key words.
I see you.
I told her that I see her. I know the kind of work she puts in. I know it’s hard. I know that we can work together to create a better environment for her. And that was it. On came the water works. We wrapped up our conversation and she headed to chapel.
That night I got an email from her mom. I wasn’t sure what type of email I would be opening. It was the good kind. Her mom quoted me. “I see you” was the most important thing I could have said to her that day. There had been a death in the family the day before. Someone she was close to. But as the new girl in school, she didn’t really have a tight friend group to lean on yet. And when someone saw her, even though I really only saw a glimpse, it was what she needed.
Since then, I’ve been contemplating what it means for you and me as teachers. I put together some thoughts about how to see your students.
1. Be Intentional
I am an introvert, maybe you are too. I like quiet and I like space. But our job is to cause young minds to grow up and see the world differently. Our job is to cause deeper thoughts about life. Our job is to prepare them for what is next. And we can only be effective at all those things if we are intentionally seeing our students.
Remember their passions and interests. Sit down next to a student and just talk to them. The better we become at connecting to the real heartbeat of our students, the more effective we will be at teaching our subject. And the more effective we will be at actually seeing them.
You have a few seconds during passing time as kids are coming in. What if you sacrificed that time that you usually read a quick email or enter the last grade and gave it to a student in order that they could be seen?
2. Ask Questions
If you want to be able to see your students, you have to know them. Anything. Ask questions. But don’t ask questions that have lame answers. “How was your weekend?” I don’t even have to write what their answer will be. You already know it. “What was the most exciting thing you did this weekend?” You have no idea what that answer will be. And the answer might be a way to see that student. Maybe they went skiing for the first time. Maybe they saw a scary movie. Maybe they didn’t have anything thrilling because they had to watch their baby brother all weekend.
“What made you laugh this weekend?”
“What did you hate about the Super Bowl?”
“What if I told you school got cancelled, where would you go?”
Be creative. Be intentional. Open little insights into their world.
3. Speak the Truth in Love
I know this sounds awful, but sometimes a student just needs to hear the truth from you. They know the truth in their head. Sometimes the truth is something they shy away from. So meet them there. I had a conversation with a student early in the school year. She was in my lower chemistry class as well. I learned really quickly that she had a great chemistry mind and a horrible attitude and work ethic. So, I told her that. I told her that she has the mind of an honors student. And now that I know that, I want to see that kind of performance out of that. She ended up leaving the school part way through the year. But she told me as she was leaving. “I have an honors mind.” Crazy. One conversation months before, and she felt seen. I hope she does well. She can. But she needed to hear the truth about where she was at, and what her capacity really was. You see it in your students too. Tell them. See them.
4. Be in Their World
I know that we are only contracted so many hours. But think of how much more effective those hours will be if you intentionally step into their world on your time. I had after school duty the other day. A JV girls basketball game was just getting started as I was leaving. So, I walked through the gym. I sat in the front row of the stands for 5 minutes. One of my students made a great pass. I had the nugget. I knew what I would talk to her about the next day. And I did.
“I saw your pass last night. That was the play of the game for me.” It took me five minutes, and that girl felt seen. I also saw one other play that leads us into the next idea.
5. Have Fun with Them
In that same five-minute span, another student shot a three. It was a total airball. And since I have been intentionally building a relationship with her in class, I joked with her the next day.
“19’8”.” That is what I said to her the next day. She looked at me funny. “Oh, that is how far it is from the three-point line to the basket. After I saw your shot last night, I thought you might want to know that for the future.” Total dad joke. But she laughed, rolled her eyes, and knew that she was seen. Please hear me, I wouldn’t tease a student that I don’t have a relationship with. Joking with her was a way of strengthening that back and forth. Not tearing it down.
6. Be Open to Big Ideas
The big event in a student’s life rarely happens while you are there. And we can’t always invest our whole life into them. But maybe you could invest something. Maybe you could take a risk. This spring I will take my third group of students to the Philippines on a mission trip. Life changing. I’ve helped over forty students build their first longbow. Fascinating. I’ve had the honor of administering the wedding ceremonies of multiple different students. Truly life altering.
Please hear me. You can’t do those things. Those are the ways that I was able to connect my life with my students. You have more and better and different skills and passions. Be open to what it could mean for a student to be seen in that way.
I hope that these ideas are helpful to you. I hope that you can make a student feel seen today. I know it is hard. I know kids want to be distant and apathetic. I know that you are trying your best to change their world for the better. I know you don’t win every battle. I see you.
Want to connect to your students in a new way in the classroom? Try playing chemistry games! Up & Atom gets you talking to kids and groups of students talking. About moles. Seriously. They will argue about moles and mass and atoms. It's great for learning. You can check it out here.
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